The wave of sectarian violence has caused major changes to Erratum Terrium. The three sects can no longer live with each other, and thus a federalized website has been established. It can only be hoped this will bring peace to this unstable and unreadable region of the blogosphere. The reactions from the sectarian leaders has been described as "schizophrenic". The leader of the northern Humorist sect praised the agreement, saying everything would be fine as long as no one bothered him. He then went on to tell several bad jokes. He promised that the Humorist sect will continue to deliver low-quality mockeries of the news to Erratum Terrium. The leader of the centrally-based Journalist sect was more guarded in his response, wary of inflaming tensions with his southern Blogger neighbors. The two sects have been at war over the future of Erratum Terrium, with the Journalists demanding more in-depth studies of global affairs and the Bloggers wanting more irascible rants and bull-headed pronouncements (or 'fatwas', as they call them). It can only be hoped that the new federalized format will allow the fulfillment of the official December 2006 'Doubling of Readership' goal (from two to four!)
In this chaotic environment, a radical and possibly foreign group in the Blogger sect was allowed to access the website and post the following:
Attention Conspiracy Nuts!
In past few years several prominent international figures have been the target of assassination attempts: Rafik Hariri, Viktor Yushchenko, Hassan Nasrallah, Pierre Gemayel, Alexander Litvinenko, and possibly Ismail Haniyeh. Based on this and absolutely nothing more, we would like the be the first to propose the theory that Senator Tim Johnson, Democrat of South Dakota, was also the target of a recent assassination attempt. Senator Johnson recently had intensive brain surgery after suffering "stroke-like symptoms". If he was unable to serve, a replacement would be appointed by Michael Rounds, the Republican governor of South Dakota -- thereby giving control of the Senate back to the Republicans through the tie-breaking vote of Dick "Dick" Cheney. To quote Gov. Rounds completely out of context: "Tim Johnson...is...not a lawmaker, not a...friend...I thought about his wife..." Not very gubernatorial language, if you ask me! The cover-up attempts have been widespread, attributing Senator Johnson's illness to a condition called Arteriovenous Malformation (AVM), which apparently afflicts 300,000 other Americans. According to the purported right-wing smear rag Medical News Today [Note to the MNT legal department: Don't even think of suing me, I'm not worth anything] most of them "don't know they have the condition". Oh, how convenient! Would the Republicans really go that far to regain control of the Senate? The crystal ball (one of those black plastic ones that you shake) says that I should ask again later, which I will. Until then, keep (conspiracy) nutting it up!
I am very sorry for that breach of security. According to the Erratum Terrium security department, the laptop with the ultra-super-secret Blogger ID and password was lost. Luckily the laptop did not contain the personal information of hundreds of thousands of trusting citizens. That information is on a different Erratum Terrium laptop.
Before we end this broadcast, the editors of Erratum Terrium would like to wish a very Happy Hanukkah to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. You are cordially invited to celebrate the holiday with us. Make love, not war. Wipe latke grease off your face, not countries off the map.
Peace (if everything else fails)
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