Weekly Round-Up

ErrTerr was going to be broadcasting an incredibly revelatory and incendiary political piece guaranteed to send beepers flying off the pants of Dick Cheney's doctors. But there were "technical difficulties". We "sincerely" apologize.

And now for a Weekly Round-Up! Off we go!

RUSSIA
Dmitry "Putin Jr." Medvedev wins the presidential "election" in Russia. Widely understood that his victory was assured back in December when Putin announced that he would be United Russia's candidate. Junior's relations with Putin go back to the early 1990s, when both were working at St. Petersburg State University. They have worked closely together since, with Junior managing Daddy's presidential campaign in 2000 before becoming the chairman of Gazprom in 2002. Speaking of Gazprom, a few days after the election they cut gas shipments to Ukraine by 50%, citing $600 million in unpaid bills.
"But we never got any notices!"
"We sent three."
"But where did you send them to? Maybe you had the wrong address. I swear we never got them. Maybe it got stuck in with the junk mail. Oh man, where am I gonna get six hundred mil? Maybe I could ask my parents...no, they would just ask what I doing with all that gas. This blows."


CAUCASUS
Armenia erupts in violent protests over the results of recent election. Armenia and Azerbaijan re-ignite Nagorno-Karabakh dispute -- and who started it this time? Armenian gov't looking to refocus the anger of its citizens, or Azerbaijani gov't looking to exploit temporary Armenian weakness?


SUDAN
Violence on the border between North and South Sudan. The battle was between the SPLM, a Southern Sudanese remnant from the two-decade long civil war, and the local Misseriya tribe in Abyei, an oil-rich region. The 2005 peace agreement seems to be holding, but many are saying its demise is only a matter of time.


AMAZONIAN JUGLE
Colombian forces strike into Ecuador, killing a senior FARC commander and others. Ecuador mobilizes its troops to the border, as do Colombia and Venezuela. All diplomatic connections are severed. War of words erupts between Colombian President Uribe and Venezuelan President Chavez. No shots fired as of yet. Bet on Colombia and Venezuela stepping up support for dissident and rebel groups within each other's borders. However, real war is unlikely as commercial trade ties between the three countries continue unabated.


KURDISTAN*
Turkish forces enter, and a few days later, exit Northern Iraq. They strike at Kurdish rebel organizations -- but, of course, mostly kill innocent civilians. The US mutters some light condemnations, but overall seems to have given its assent.


UNITED STATES
More primary elections for the Democratic Party. According to the media, the media loves Obama, and the media now thinks that perhaps it has loved him too much. So the media will now hold round tables and talk shows to decide exactly how much it should love him. John McCain has yet to embarrass himself publicly. But there's no time like the first time to...
ErrTerr's odd-makers say:
744-1: Make out with his wife on stage a la Al and Tipper
55-1: Make out on stage with someone who he thought was his wife
54-1: Turns out that person was Karl Rove
15-1: Back up over a shopping cart while driving the Straight Talk Express
8-1: Get caught stocking up on Metamucil at Costco
1-1: Run first TV ad of general election with endorsement from Andy Griffith



*Erratum Terrium does not, we repeat, does not recognize Kurdistan as an independent state. We also do not recognize the cultural and culinary merits of Jamba Juice. It is overrated in our opinion. Please send Kurdistan and Jamba Juice-related death threats to our regular email address. Death threats must be typed into the body of the email. We will not read attachments.