Putin and Bush

The "Lobster Summit" has come to a close at the Bush Estate North. I cannot say it was a complete failure because it was not meant to achieve anything. It does, however, add to the long list of diplomatic engagements the US has had in the recent years which showcase its severely declining power. Two others come to mind: the visit to China by Sec. Paulson which resulted in no agreement on currency devaluation, and the embarrassing visit by Bush to Jordan to build a regional consensus on Iraq -- not to mention the entire idiotically murderous debacle of the Iraq invasion (I only wish there were enough adverbs and adjectives to express my frustration). Instead of cornering Putin about his harsh suppression of democracy, human rights, and free markets, Bush spent his energy trying to "repair the relationship". A former KGB agent traveling to the US to get his ass kissed by the son of a former CIA chief -- a lot of people are spinning in their graves right now. Experts in both countries were surprised at how easily Bush puckered up.

But what actually went on at this crustacean junta? Everyone wanted an ear on the wall at Kennebunkport -- but only Erratum Terrium got one. Don't ask how. Seriously, don't. Here are some excerpts:

(Text in bold is an actual quote)
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Bush: Pootie-Poot! How ya doin!
Putin: Honestly, I'm a little shook up. Someone was protesting in my country! -- wearing a mask which looked like my face! Hopefully the police are beating them senseless right now.
Bush: I love your honesty. Like I told 'em: "This is the kind of fellow who, when he says, yes, he means, yes, and when he says, no, he means, no."
Putin: They taught me the importance of honesty in the KGB.
Bush: You've got something in your eye.
Putin: Is it a tear for the dead children in Chechnya?
(Laughter)
Bush: Okay, it's gone now. You know, while I was looking into your eye, I really got a sense of your soul.
Putin: I thought you stopped drinking.
Bush: It's been a long week.
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Bush: That was a good fishing trip. I think we really bonded.
Putin: Sure. Where's the lobster?
Bush: Listen Pootie-Poot, I think we should really talk about some of the things going on in your country. I've got some concerns and...Condi said that I should say something about...you should get more democracy...like Iraq, where there's a free press and free religion
Putin: We certainly would not want to have same kind of democracy as they have in Iraq, quite honestly.
Bush: Just wait. We're gonna concentrate real hard and fix it. If we win in Iraq, we win the War on Terror.
Putin: What about Afghanistan?
Bush: What-istan? Look, this is about democracy...
Putin (raising voice): It has nothing to do with democracy!...the United States has overstepped its national borders in every way. This is very dangerous. Nobody feels secure anymore because nobody can hide behind international law...The almost uncontained, hyper use of force in international relations...Unilateral, illegitimate actions have not solved a single problem: they have become a hotbed of further conflicts.
Bush: You know, I think it's in the US interest to keep close relations with Russia...Russia is a good, solid partner.
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Putin: It's really a shame that we both have to leave office in 2008. We have accomplished so much together: the increased militarization of ethnic and national conflict zones, the relegation of international organizations to starving lap-dogs with no real peacemaking or peacekeeping power, the promotion of might-makes-right rules in the international economy, the decimation of independent journalism, and the vicious stripping of human rights and civil liberties in the name of protection from the Potemkin scourge of 'terrorism'.
Bush: Not to mention that fish we caught together.
Lobster: You guys are ruining the world.
Bush: Did you hear something?
Putin: It was just the wind.
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